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[18 Apr 2005|09:51am]

[ mood | aggravated ]

I don't have one or two things that piss me off to no end. I have a laundry list of complaints, and one day I will write a damn book about everything/one I hate. Starting off now...

- I can no longer stomach (no pun intended) those jerk offs that keep telling me I need to go on atkins Alright, first of all. Yes I am fat, but since when in the hell does my body concern you? I do not wear skimpy clothing, i am not one of these trailer trash ho's that think all men/women will love a bbw. NO, I am just a normal person with issues who happens to be fat.

My issue with atkins is I can NOT eat all the friggin meat or greesey food (meat) without retching my entire insides out, frankly when a diet tells you, that you can eat meat like mad. But you are to avoid apples or other sensible carbs. Something is seriouslly messed up with that equasion, not to mention these atkins junkies, are taking there notes from a dead fat guy. "shakes head" Thanks, but leave me out of it, I like pasta, bread, and apples. I do not need your rederick shoved in my face, while I appreciate the concern, I do NOT NEED IT...

- These idiots that think because I'm 21, I need to spawn childern and "submit" to a husband. "dies laughing" I think not, I have many oh so many reasons for not wanting to spawn, but my main reason is. I loathe childern now don't get me wrong, I can deal with said beasts in a small dose, but 24/7/365/18 no way. I think not, I am also gay. So this husband thing doesn't work unless I marry a tranny. But even then I am not one for marriage anyway, gay or straight.
I do not need a peice of paper telling me I am legally bound and obligated to love a person. People change, love changes. I can't garentee 10 minutes after the weding I'm not going to want to push them down a flight of stairs, although highly unlikly it's still probable because I AM EVER CHANGING. So stop with the marriage/childern shit. It's not for me....

Those are my most two common ones as of late along with

- If you have short hair, you're automaticaly a dyke. Uhh no

- If you can't spell or use correct grammar you are an idiot. Again, highly likly, but again you assume that english teachers and writers can spell perfectly. This is what we have spell checker/editors for. IF you don't like my style of writing my love for commas or my lack of correct grammar then kindly stop reading what I write.

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[15 May 2004|04:28pm]


Hi, If your a scorpio which means your birthday is between October 24 to November 22 and your 18 or under than come join  scorpio_teens . Come talk about whatever is on your mind, get some great advice, find someone that relates to your problems..and meet some cool kids! SO please join

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[16 Apr 2004|10:49pm]


this is really really long..Collapse )

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[10 Dec 2003|02:15am]

God damn stupid fucked up little men who always ask me to get the girls number!! what about me for damns sake!! helloooo maybe i like you but your too busy using me as a stepping stone to a shag!!RARRRRRRRRR

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reflexive verbs? why bother?? [30 Aug 2003|07:47pm]
[ mood | amused ]

there should be a rule. you only oughta be able to get one summer cold per summer. this is ridiculous. i can't drink cuz i'm sick, or maybe i will anyway. :)

oh and my dad. grrr. of course i'm remorseful; he has no idea. I just need a distraction, *that* is why I'm going out, of course if i could undo the rather large dent on the side of his car i would, but that doesn't mean my life stops. grr...

oh and this song (the voulez vous se coucher one from moulin rouge) has grammatical errors with it's french. heh. like it matters. >: /

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First Entry [23 Aug 2003|08:53am]

[ mood | aggravated ]

hi my name is emma and heres my situation
well im not so sure what to do about my bf i mean ilike him alot and all that good stuff and ive been talkin to his best friends alot manily cuz hes datin my sister but my bf acts like he even wants anything to do with me and his bestfriend tells me he does and that hes just not used to this whole relationship thing and that hes just not sure what to do with them and his friend tells me he likes me alotbut yet he has never called me once in the month were datin its always me who calls him im the one who always maks the plans and yet he forgets about themn always when ever i call hes always with other people mainly girls and i just hope hes not cheatin on me cuz that is so not cool i hate that its like the worst thing you could do to someone but any advice?

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niente [06 Jun 2003|06:22pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

getting ready to go out and since I am of course such a girl I have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear... this annoys me on various levels... I'd vent about it, but that would hold everyone else up.... grrr..
so this is me venting about not being able to vent...

3 venters + tell me about it

mmm [03 Jun 2003|01:36pm]

[ mood | apathetic ]

*sorry* for misusing apostrophes.... the " there's seems " was a typo and i can't edit my entry for some reason.....

damn the man? angry daisies on my brother's birthday.
spin spin spin... it makes everything but your own body seem useless.

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hmmm [23 May 2003|02:50pm]

[ mood | hungry ]

there's seems to be a lot of anxiety recently, i've noticed the word fuck about a million times.

"in a man's world i am a woman by birth and after nineteen times around i have found they will stop at nothing once they know what you are worth"


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[11 May 2003|11:06pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! Damn! why do you always fucking contradict yourself?!?!?! you cant say one thing that say the complete opposite and expect me to understand and for it all to make sense!! GRRR lacking soo much logic its seriously ripping the piss!!

2 venters + tell me about it

[24 Apr 2003|12:49am]

GAAAAHHHH People!! so fucking damn selfish!!! only wanna ta;lk if THEY have a problem but when i need someone... noooo no most cant give me the time of day, guess they are scared to face up to the facts that i too jhave alife and i too suffer emotions and pain, loss and break up, hurt and anger, lust and not being wanted, shame and lonliness... i suffer them all too.... im not a fucking robot or agony aunt all the time... i need a shoulder to cry on..someone to yell at when im stressed, soneone to calm me down make ME feel wanted for a change.... for a change maybe people can put me first instead of them and their lifes...

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just joined [07 Apr 2003|08:14pm]

[ mood | cynical ]

I just joined blah blah blah

Alot of thigs piss me off and I am a little rough around the edges but Im not to offensive...

I hope some of you are interesting and willing to get to know me

1 venter + tell me about it

[14 Feb 2003|09:29pm]

I'm soo fuking sick of being invovled in sumthing i don't want to be! i want out shyt i didn't do fuking shyt this isn't betwen me! soo fukin plz stop telling me how u feel... i hate being the third person the one ppl go to to tell themhow they are feeling and asking me to go tell sumone how they feel or how much they dont care about them my god fukin do it urself! this isn;t my probalem and im not making it mne u got sumthing to say go fukin do it urself! im nto ur messenger! i've got my own shyt to worry about i don't need to have to go back n worry abut ur shyt now to. if u really have to use sumone else to say whats on ur mind that is pretty sad! u want sumthing to get resolved fucking do it uself! u want things to stay the same then stop complaining i don't care! this isnt really none of my buisness! Ur not suppose to talk about ur bf's i hate being in the middle! so STOP!

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[07 Jan 2003|08:21pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

fuck! people are fuckin stupid i swear to god im about the go on a killin spree everyone in my fuckin school is pissin me off so yeah now theres rumors going around my school that im easy and that i had sex with jason gaffney on new years which isnt true and i bet all the people who r sayin shit dont even know me or have never talked to me and if they did they would know that i have morals and im not havin sex till im married and that i dont fool around with guys fuck!!!!!!!!! people are stupid i hate them this is why i dont date people cuz shit like this always fuckin happens and im soooooo sick of it u wouldnt even understand and kyle u know the one ive been tellin u about has had a bunch of people tellin him to stay away from me or that im easy and he can have sex with me and just for get about me and im like wtf?? thats so not true and people need to take the time to get to know me before they start sayin shit that isnt true fuckin A im threw with people and im threw with gettin close to anyone and trustin people cuz they obviously cant be trusted and im leavin school im sick of it anyways and im sick of all this bull shit so im out

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[01 Jan 2003|08:38pm]

[ mood | disgusted ]

Fuck you, LJ. You just deleted my 2-page entry.

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im sick & tired of feeling this way, sick & tired of being alone..... [31 Dec 2002|01:10pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

thats it im going on a diet....i just dont feel comfprtable in my own skin any more.....i feel shitty.....oh one of the guys who thinks im beautiful smiles every time he sees me.....its a lil weird....im lonely...i want someone to be with me...oh well....that sux major ass...i feel depressed, numb and empty.... reasons for me to want to cut....but no...i cant...too many ppl will be disappointed in me...and im sick of make ppl mad at me...im already mad at myself for being this way.....i dont need others to feel the same.....o look im whinning about my stupid life again...surprise surprise....my monthly bitch fest..and its always the same..."im fat, im ugly, im depressed, bla bla bla bla"......whats the point im always gonna hate myself i should just get used to it and move on right???...right...who cares if i hate the way i look, the way i feel, the way i hate every single thing about me?? no one thats right....no one.....just me....who cares if nobody gives a shit about me and that practacly no one has seen me @ on of my low points and could do something about it??? i mean who really gives a shit if i live or die??? no one....cause no one cept for a handful has seen the "real me".....no one has really seen all there is to see..i put up this wall that ppl have to struggle to get through and even when u think uve seen the other side u havent..its just more lies to make u think uve really seen it all...i dont know if i be willing to let any one in all the way....i dont think i can trust enough to do that....im too afraid to get hurt..im too afraid that when theyve seen it all they will look away w/ shame in their eyes or just be so let down by what they see cause they made me out to be something special and worthy of their love and attention....they will relize that im not special....they will see that im nothing more than shit....to be honest i dont even know who the real me is.....maybe ive been to afraid to look into myself and find that out....maybe i dont trust myself enough to find out who i am.....maybe im afraid that if i do ill look away w/ shame in my eyes....perhaps thats y i have the lies and the walls hiding me.....maybe its not just to save me from the thoughts of others....maybe its to save me from the thoughts of myself.....i dont want to know whats behind it all....i dont want to know who i am....what if i hate that person more than the on ive created....ive lied so many times and did so many things to myself that i dont know who i am...and that sux....its worse than all the other shit i feel...im nothing but a loser....what if i look inside and i find out that im boring and average?...what if im someone who i cant stand to be w/?......i cant just lock it up and go back pretending....once the flood gates are open its over and the lies are dead and the can never come back

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FUCK ME HARD!!! [31 Oct 2002|09:54am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

im screwed royally.......on monday ill find out if i get to come back to nd or not.......well actually if i do get the boot they will put that i decided to be dismessed insted of saying i was expeled.....they say its not cause of the days i missed but the work...i tried to make the work up, but there is only so much work u can do in one night....if i get expeled i have to go to a public school....that means i wont be @ prom ....what am i gonna do??? im not good w/ new ppl in new schools....and im not very good w/ making new friends....its too hard for me to trust ppl to make new ones.....im gonna be alone for the next 2 years.....i know that i put all this on myself......y did i have to be so stupid????? y did i have to get so sick for so long???? im so stupid...im crying over something i did to myself......this is all my fucking fault.......i hate this.....now ill be even more alone than i thought i was....ill have no friends at a new school......i hate myself for this.....i really do....but its all my fault....anyways.....i wont be there manana because the devil woman (mrs nemergut) said i shouldnt bother coming cause its a 1/2 day....the worst part of this is that i wont even know until monday if im out or not...i have to wait w/ all this stress and anxiety for 3 days......what if i do something stupid to myself....what if i fail???? do u really think i can handle having no one to talk to @ a new school???? i dont.....im totally and compleatly fucked....anyways im prolly boring w/ the whining......

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Vulgar. [18 Sep 2002|01:06pm]

[ mood | irate ]

i just cant do tis shit anymore. I'm goingn totally fuxking mental.
am I a pawn?? do I look like a fucking piece of a chess game to you?? this is too much for me. way too much.

you bastard. you get me a job. you push me and push me and push me, I take the job. I work. I like. you decide this isnt what you want yo be involved in. so I cant be either.
does that make me the damned m,astermind behinf the scenes. oh, shes the sitter, lets get her.

of course I'm pissed. you took my fucking job away. you tell me its for ethan and I. you tell me its best. YOU COCKSUCKING LIAR. you just told me everything. you told me that you didnt like it so I couldnt either. Who the fuck do you think you are? you are not the king little man.

And you.. you supposed knight. wheres your armor? wheres your sword? WHY AM I WOUNDED???

I just dont get it. I try to make myself happy and I FINALLY start to feel as though its working. but no. thats just not allowed. AS so as something starts to go right. it all has to go fucking wrong.

I know I know.. leave right?
and its just that easy?? I'm so sick of being so damned nice to all you fucking people. In reality I am not nice. I dont want to be nice anymore. When Im nice you walk all over me like a fucking rug.. and take me out and beat me when you feel I'm too dirty for your liking. better make sure I reach your standards. well ID ont. I never will. I'm not normal like you people. I have problems.. issues.
what, you think just cause Dawsons Creek is problematic but workable that my life is too? WTF are you? I think the proper word is insane.

I hope you die on your way home. all because your angry with me. I hope my face is the last thing you see in your mind. I hope youre tourtured with it for the rest of eternity that you'll spend in hell.

5 venters + tell me about it

[20 Jul 2002|01:37pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i still havent seen matt..i miss him...um...ive been really depressed lately..i dont really know y.....i just hate this fucking feeling..i dont want to be me no more...its just not fun....i feel like everybody is against me..and that no one really gives 2 shits about me and what happenes to me..w/ my fucking luck im right....everybody hates me...and if they love me i really dont understand it....i really dont deserve any of it...i deserve to be alone....im a bad fucking person....i lie to everyone about how i really feel...im shit....im nothing

2 venters + tell me about it

[18 Jul 2002|01:11pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

You know, no one's posted in here for over 2 months...I was hoping this community could possibly come back to life.. ;_; *sigh* I have something new to vent about: friends who use you.
A bunch of people are falling for my brother. Newest victim? My friend. She's always coming over now these days to see him. Her excuse is the fact that I'm his sister and I'm here and she knows me. Same with the guy that lives close to me. She goes over to his house more often now too. And of course, any chance she gets, she walks over to my house to see him.

It really annoys me to have a friend who, as far as I can see, [it certainly feels this way] is only using me so she can get closer to my brother. She asks me questions over and over again these days about him. I wouldn't mind as much, but she knows the answers to the questions already, so why does she bother asking them?

And of course, there's the fact that she never listens anymore. Not that she ever did. But now, anything I say, she responds with an "uh-huh" or "mmhmm" and followed by something like "your brother's sooooo cute!" If I say anything involving my brother, she listens. That's the only time she will. Everything else I say is completely ignored. She complains about how she'll never have a chance with him and how much her life sucks. It does not suck.

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